I was born one of six children, three boys and three girls. When people ask me where I fall in line, I say, “It’s like the Brady Bunch and I am Jan.”
I was raised by two loving parents in upstate New York. Though I was born in New York I never felt at home living there.
I dreamed of California.
In the late 1980’s I moved to Los Angeles. I will never forget the feeling I had when the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac, the yellow sun beaming. I could hardly wait to breathe my first breath of hot, gray smog or picnic under a towering palm tree or stand on the edge of the Pacific.
In my heart I was home.
At a young age, I learned a few things: how to keep a secret, how to be a frozen person, how to hide behind “pretty” and how to write words down on a piece of paper. Most important, I learned God was present in my life.
First, there were the silent years, then the rebellious years then the “I am really depressed and just want to go away” years and then the saved years.
It was during the saved years where the unravel began. The undoing of the most fragile heart my acting teacher said he ever saw.
One day the broken pieces began to break away cold jabbing skin on the way down. There was the wrapping of raw naked around a splintered cross praying holy healing from sacred ground.
There was alot of looking up begging light from a hidden sun and alot of searching for the water pail to dip my dying tongue.
There was a scissor and tape for the piecing of my heart back together.
I have tape marks on my heart.
There was alot of Jesus.
ALOT OF J.E.S.U.S.
It is only by the undeniable grace of God that I managed to work in Television and Film as a professional actress and stuntwoman. Some of my credits include Budweiser, Toyota, F/X, Ishtar, Batteries Not Included and the smash Dirty Dancing. I was Jennifer Greys stunt double. Among other scenes, I am the “girl on the log.”
I live in Nashville, Tennessee writing songs and other writing projects including my first book about what God has brought me through, a book of devotional dialogues with God for children and adults and my first set of children’s books with songs.
As I sit on my over-sized couch, blue denim, twinkling country stars above, I’ve learned a few more things: how to turn my pain to prayer, how to be true to myself, how to recognize that still small Voice, and most important, how to be brave and stand for the Truth at all cost. Anything frozen in me melted into a pond so big for splashing, understanding, forgiveness and freedom. All the pieces of paper with words on them are now becoming the pages of Diary of a God Girl.
Oh, and in the blackest night, when I feel a demonic spirit sinking down into my mattress, lying next to me, or when I feel a little index finger running slowly up the side of my calf hanging outside the sheets, I’ve learned to say, “Jesus” and go back to sleep.
Psalm 118:16-17 The Lord’s right hand is lifted high; the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!” I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.