Diary of a God Girl

…eat slow, take small bites


When I was a little girl, I had a short, yet poignant conversation with my father. We were sitting on our plastic covered couch in the living room when I turned to him and said, “I feel different from all the other kids.”  My father answered, “What do you mean, different?” I said, “I feel like a light-bulb is on top of my head and it goes with me wherever I go. I think people can see it when they look at me.”  My father replied with absolute certainty, “That is the light of the Lord.”

One late afternoon, I stood by my mother as she was cooking dinner on the stove.  With brows squeezed and Bazooka breath I stated boldly, “I don’t want to be an actress like everyone else.  I want to help people.”  My mother smiled sweetly and answered, “Oh honey, you won’t make any money doing that.”  So what did I do?  I became an actress?

At an early age, my heart seemed to be pulled by an invisible thread, not toward Color Forms or Barbie Dolls, but toward broken people and Jesus things.  Yet, at the same time, it was filled with fear.  Frozen fear.  The kind that sews your lips shut until the words pile up in your mouth and stay stuck in your throat.  As the years came and went, I began to realize as intense as my pursuit of God was so was Satan’s pursuit to keep me from ever uttering one word.

My life had been a tumultuous ride of trial and tribulation.  The light-bulb on top of my head, though dim at times, never burned out.  The thread that somehow tied itself to the inside of my belly button kept pulling, sometimes dragging me along in the right direction.  It is only by the gracious hand of God, I have been saved.  And it is only by the prompting of God’s call on my life that I am destined to tell you the truth.  The Truth about who God is through His Son, Jesus and the truth about what God has brought me through.   

John 6:44  says, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them; and I will raise them up in the last day.”

All my life, God, Himself, through Jesus, had been personally pursuing me.  Like a magnet, I was drawn to Him because He was drawing me to Himself, making me want to have a relationship with Him.  This explains why I always land at His feet, time and time again.  It also explains why some people don’t have the desire to pursue a relationship with Him, to the extent that I do.  God is not drawing them to Himself on the same level He is drawing me according to His purpose for my life.  God longs to have a relationship with all of us through Jesus.  He is a Gentleman and waits for the perfect moment to make His way inside a heart.  If we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. 



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